Passing the Blame

If there is one thing that bugs me more than anything…it is people who can’t take responsibility for their actions. This is one concept that I have tried to instill in my children. Several years ago, I was backing out of my driveway with my son and daughter having World War III in the backseat. I was so distracted by their arguing that I backed right into my husband’s truck (that was not supposed to be parked there)!

If I wasn’t mad to begin with, I was really mad now. "Why in the world was that truck parked there?! Why can my kids not get along?!," I screamed from the front seat! UGH…Great start to my day! As I reflected upon that moment, I realized that it was time to put my money where my mouth was and follow my own words that had passed my lips so many times. “Don’t blame other people for your own mistakes!”

Okay…seriously…If my husband didn’t park his truck RIGHT there..then I wouldn’t have hit it! Doesn’t he know that this is MY part of the driveway? If that excuse wasn’t enough, if my kids would just act like civilized human beings and not find a reason to argue the moment they are within two feet of each other—then I would not have hit that truck! These excuses came to my mind all too easily. I also knew that if I told this story to my friends, that they would definitely agree that it was not my fault.

Pounding in my mind, as I tried to push it to the back, came the very question that I had asked my kids on numerous occasions. “What was YOUR part in this problem/dilemma/situation?” I immediately argued with myself internally not wanting to take the blame for this wreck. Taking a serious look, I realized that I was the only one driving. I was the only one who had control of the vehicle. I was the one who didn’t look before backing out of the garage. It was my MY fault!

Admitting it to myself was one thing, but actually speaking the words and apologizing—I didn’t think I could do it! As I swallowed my pride and embarrassment, I apologized first to my children for yelling at them. Then, it was time for a face-to-face with my husband. Have I mentioned that I hate to be wrong? Thankfully, my husband has the God-given characteristic of giving grace. He accepted my apology and didn’t have any “I told you so’s” in his response.

This was a definite turning point in my life. I had taught my kids when they came to me with a problem, to first look at their part in the problem, take ownership of what they could control and speak that into the apology. So, my apology looked something like this. “I’m so sorry that I was not paying attention (Source of the wreck) when I was backing out of the garage. I’m sorry that I hit your truck.” A simple “I’m sorry” would not be taking the full blame. Don’t we all do that? When we know we are at fault but don’t want to take full responsibility…we give a cursory, un-caring “I’m sorry” then, under our breath…”but if you would have done this or that, then I wouldn’t have had to blah blah blah”?

I’ve come to realize that it is our first inclination (aka: Human Nature) to blame others for our bad life experiences. However, most of the time, we have made a bad decision or chosen a wrong road somewhere along the way. That choice is what has actually gotten us into our current problem. Naming the source, apologizing to those we hurt along the way, and learning something from the experience can be the best parent trick in the book. It’s a daily struggle to want to pass the blame. But taking responsibility for my actions is a skill that, one day, with lots of prayer, I hope to master! Lead by example—and hopefully, your children will follow.

Hugs, Shannon