Tips for Morning Sickness Relief
Wednesday, April 20, 2011 By: Shannon Wilburn

Hey everyone,
I wanted to share an article with you.  I have been traveling the country speaking at a national tour for emerging business owners.  I met two fabulous women in Los Angeles and quickly learned that they had something that I wanted to share with you.  It's been a very long time since I was pregnant myself, but with all of my pregnancies, I struggled with morning sickness for the first 5 months-definitely not a fun place to be.  When I heard about their product, I purchased one right away for a friend who has brain cancer to help with her nausea from chemo.  I also thought about all of my JBF peeps...many of whom are pregnant or will be soon.  :)  So, while this may sound like a commercial...I felt I simply HAD to share!  Leave a comment by Wednesday, April 27th and you will be entered into a drawing to win a set of PsiBands. These bands have been mentioned in O-magazine, the Rachel Ray show and a slew of other places (and now on the JBF website)  :)

Please email me with your contact information after you leave a comment.

Shannon Wilburn

TIPS FOR DRUG-FREE MORNING SICKNESS RELIEF

Psi Bands (www.psibands.com) were invented by two moms who were sick of the morning sickness they had to endure during their pregnancies. Many sources estimate that 80% of pregnant women experience the dreaded “morning sickness” --itself a misnomer, as anyone who has suffered through it can tell you that the nausea can last all day.

At Psi Bands we believe strongly in the use of wrist acupressure to relieve nausea for the following reasons:
• Numerous scientific studies support the use of wrist acupressure to relieve nausea.
• It’s easy to implement – simply place a Psi Band on each wrist.
• It is drug-free so it won’t harm your fetus or interfere with other medications.

Psi Bands are uniquely:
• fully adjustable around the wrist and at the acupressure point;
• waterproof – no more soggy wristbands so you can wear them in the shower; and
• fashionable – available in five fun different designs.

In addition to wrist acupressure to quell the queasies, following are some complementary drug-free tips we have come across:
• Try ginger. It can be found as a powder in a capsule, grated fresh into hot water for tea, in syrup, or even as a sucking candy.
• Cold fluids and solids like ice chips, popsicles, frozen grapes, etc. may provide relief and help take away the metallic taste in the mouth.
• Try not to eat too much at a time, but also avoid an empty stomach. Eat several small meals every day instead of large meals and try to incorporate protein into every meal.
• For morning nausea, keep a small snack (like crackers) right next to your bed and eat a bit before rising. Allow a few minutes for the snack to digest, then get out of bed slowly.
• Stay hydrated. Try a sports hydration drink, as well as water, broth, or juice.
• Get lots of rest. Stress and fatigue can make morning sickness worse.

We are not medical professionals, so contact your health professional if symptoms persist.

source: http://www.webmd.com/baby/managing-morning-sickness

Where to Buy and Newsletter sign up: http://www.psibands.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/psibands
Twitter: @psibands
 

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5 Ways to Cut Your Grocery Bill in Half
Friday, March 25, 2011 By: Shannon Wilburn

Top 5 Ways to Cut Your Grocery Bill in Half
by Sarah Roe, Money Saving Queen

"Just Between Friends is all about helping families save money.  We have asked our friend, Sarah Roe, Money Saving Queen to give you some tips about saving money on your groceries"-Shannon Wilburn

Everyone is searching for the best way to save especially with rising gas prices and pay cuts. Did you know by learning the strategy of couponing, you can literally cut your grocery bill by 50% or more? It’s easy and it does not take hours and hours of work. Here are my top 5 ways to cut your grocery bill in half:

1. Get Coupons: Companies send out billions of dollars in coupons every single year, you just have to find them. Pick up your Sunday newspaper, visit MoneySavingQueen.com and print coupons online. You can also log onto your favorite manufacturers website and sign up for newsletters full of coupons. One of my favorite ways to get coupons for products I actually use is to call the company directly. Let them know you appreciate them and are looking for a way to save money.

2. Timing: It’s all about timing. Rather than rushing out the day you find the coupons to grab the products, wait for them to go on sale and then use your coupon. Combining a coupon with a sale will always land you the best price.

3. Shop Around: Don’t assume the store you shop at every week is the best store for deals, even if they tell you it is. Remember, every store wants you to shop there, and they will pull out their best marketing tactics to get you in the door. Did you know many stores double or even triple coupons? Many stores now offer store coupons as well. Do your research and find out the coupon policies of the stores in your area.

4. Stockpile: When you get your items for the lowest price possible-maybe even free-that is the time to stock up! That doesn’t mean you have to purchase enough for the next 10 years, simply stock up until it goes on sale again. This also means you will need to have multiple sets of coupons, so pick up an extra paper or visit MoneySavingQueen.com and learn how to purchase coupons online.

5. Organize: Take time each week to organize your coupons and sales ads, and plan your trip. In less than one hour a week, you may save $100 or more! Plan your menu each week around coupons, sales and your stockpile.

Saving money is easy-especially when you shop smart! Taking the time to gather coupons, plan your trip for the right time, and shop at the right store will save you hundreds of dollars a month! And it doesn’t take you away from your family. Get the kids on board with savings too, you will find smart shopping is an exciting way to keep your money in your pocket!

You can find Sarah Roe, Money Saving Queen, on MoneySavingQueen.com. MoneySavingQueen.com offers daily hot deals, coupon matchups to area stores, money saving forums and much more. Sarah Roe is also the author of The Power of Coupons: 13 Ways to Save.

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Mom Lingerie
Monday, February 14, 2011 By: Shannon Wilburn

Mom Lingerie

So...I'm not sure if I should tell this story or not as I don't have permission from my hubby. Maybe he will not mind that I am telling the world these things (that's my hope anyway).  Also hoping the Elders at our church don't mind that I talk about these things either...since today he is gainfully employed as the Senior Minister at Park Plaza church of Christ...and I would like it to stay that way.

So..if you follow this blog at all..you know that I have been married for 20 years.  I have to say that my husband is a romantic.  I have no idea what we are doing tonight, but since it's Valentines...I know that he has plans.  All I know is that I am supposed to be ready to go out at 6:45 tonight.  He wants me to be surprised...(I hope it's sushi!)

Mitch has been, since we dated, a great note writer.  He is a great communicator in person and in writing.  He just makes you feel special when he writes you a note. On any given no frills day, I might find a note propped up on the bathroom mirror when I wake up...just a note to start my day right.

He is also great with surprises.  One Valentines day (years ago) I came home to a house with no kids and he had rose petals all over the house and had even done some chocolate covered strawberries on his own. 

Now that you know what he is good at...I'm going to tell you one place where he could use some help.  Lingerie shopping!

For years, I had told him that I would love love love it if he would pick out something for me at Victoria's Secret.  Any time we would be at the mall together and I would say..."I need to run in VS to grab something" he would conveniently need to go book shopping or sock shopping in another store.  He absolutely hates going in VS.  I guess since he is a minister...he feels very awkward being in a lingerie store...he is afraid someone might see him.  :)  If I am lucky....I get a Victoria's Secret Gift Certificate so I can go shopping on my own.

A couple of weeks before Christmas, several years ago, Mitch walked in the door with a big pink VS Bag!  I was stunned.  I went on and on about how proud I was of him actually purchasing something in the store! (in hopes that this might become a habit)  He had a big smile on his face.  Another thing about Mitch is that he doesn't like to wait.  When he has a surprise...he really wants you to guess what it is....or asks if you want it early as he enjoys the giving as much as I enjoy the getting!  LOL.

This occassion was no different.  He wanted me to open it that night.  So...we sat down together, me...oozing with excitement as I opened the pink box to see what treasure lie inside.  What I found inside was the biggest -  white -  terry cloth - robe that you have ever seen!  Not some slinky something....not some barely there item....but the complete opposite!

He looked at me and explained with nervous excitement..."Shannon...I went in there and the VS sales lady came up to me and asked if she could help me and I said yes...her next question was...what size is she?  And I didn't have a clue!  So I just looked over and saw those robes and thought....I want to get the thing that will cover you the most and doesn't have to be size specific!"

I couldn't stop laughing as I pictured him in there nervously trying to find me something....LOL.  It still makes me smile!

So, ladies..on this Valentines Day..here is my advice:  Send your men with sizes.  I'm hoping for something in my size tonight-and not big, white and terry cloth!

Happy Valentines Day,

Shannon

PS. I would love to hear some comments on what you hope to get or something you have received in years past for V-Day!

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Getting my Spark & Hustle
Monday, February 07, 2011 By: Shannon Wilburn

Getting my Spark & Hustle

So, I have to admit, after being in business since 1997, I thought I had a pretty good idea of most things "business".  However, after attending the first of 8 nationwide Spark & Hustle Conferences in Los Angeles this past week...I found out that I wasn't all that smart.  I was overwhelmed with all the real world knowledge and tactics that I learned to take Just Between Friends to more communities and families across the nation.

I wanted to share some of my insights from last week and hope that it will encourage you to, as Tory Johnson says, "get busy DOing and ACTing, not just the planning."

First off...the line up of speakers was amazing...not sure how I got to be a part, but I am amazed at these smart women (and a couple of men) and how they have turned their passions into profit.

Secondly, kudos to Tory Johnson for putting on this amazing event.  You are one awesome woman and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for empowering women across America! 

I am hoping that our 300,000+ customers across the JBF sisterhood will be able to take some of this advice and apply it to their life somehow!  Enjoy!

Jessica Herrin, founder of Stella & Dot (StellaDot.com), is a serial entrepreneur and is currently leading a 100 million dollar company (that she hopes will be a billion dollar company). 

     Make sure that what you are doing generates sales-everything else is procrastination

     Hobbies-you spend money: Business-You make money

     Stay Curious-listen to your customers

     Listen to Critics-listening to people who compliment you does you no good

     Envision Yourself with your "Best Case Scenario"

     Word of Mouth Advertising is created by two things: Being Irresistable and Delivering Value (GO JBF)

Jess Weiner, this generation's Go to Girl for self esteem and a Dove Real Beauty Ambassador. www.jessweiner.com

     One door closes and another opens

     Rejection is "NOT NOW"-not "NEVER"

     We are all pefectly IMPERFECT-we can have grace in accepting that

Marley Majcher, (ThePartyGoddess.com) helped us learn how to Price for Profit

     Activities need to produce specific results

     Ditch the dogs (lame activities) and replace with something that generates $$

     Watch those "forget me not" expenses (shipping, mileage, lunches, cell phone, parking)

     Track your time

Jack and Julie Nadel-65 successful years in business-This guy had a lot to say and I couldn't write fast enough. www.ideasthatmeanbusiness.com

     Business today is all about the three R's.  Relationships, Results and Rewards

     Trick to Negotiating-Find a way to give it to them (No one wins when attorneys get involved)

     Stress for Success-Look for the rainbow

Stacie Krajchir-Tom, founder www.TheBungalowpr.com, worked as a TV producer for 12 years (NBC, Extra and Style Network) and now empowers small businesses to gain national exposure.

     Show me what you are selling

     Where do you WANT to be featured?

     Understand your editor and the publication-spin the topic to that editor's section

     Follow up phone calls with an email

     Go regional before you go national

Honestly, each of the 20+ speakers had awesome insight, experience and tactics to put all of this great advice to work for you.  I loved every minute of it and feel like I have lots of new friends who will help Just Between Friends be the best that it can be for our customers. 

If YOU want to attend a Spark & Hustle event, visit www.sparkandhustle.com for dates and details, along with information on how to apply now for scholarship assistance. See more photos and feedback from the Los Angeles event at Facebook.com/Tory.

I loved this amazing event and wish that all my friends could attend.  If this has you thinking..."hmmmm....sounds like something that I would like", then please take a minute to check it out.  I have the privilege of getting to be at all of the upcoming conferences and I would love, love, love to meet you!

Tulsa, New York, Dallas, Boston, Orlando, Chicago, Atlanta- I'll see YOU there!

Here's to YOUR success!

Hugs, Shannon

 

 

 

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Really? That's a Tradition?
Friday, December 10, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

Really? That's a Tradition?

So...have you seen the commercial that came out recently for the new Windows Phone where the only word that they use is "really?". If not, you can join the almost 2 million people to watch this video on YouTube below.

Windows Phone Commerical on YouTube

Recently, after seeing this commercial (my hubby thinks that this is the best commercial he has seen in a long time)....it made me think of things in my own life that make me say "Really?"  For those of you who don't get the obvious sarcasm in this one word..you are REALLY missing out.  This one word, when said appropriately means, "What in the world are you thinking?" or "I seriously cannot believe that you are doing that!", and it might even be on the same level as an eye roll.

Several years ago, my mom started a tradition of giving all the girls in our family (me, my twin sis, my cousin Amanda, my Aunt Sue, my grandmother Nannie) something alike at Christmas time.  One year we all got crazy socks.  Of course, we had to take a picture.  A couple of years later, she got us all funny houseshoes...and we did the picture standing in a row showing off our houseshoes. Then, one year after I was married and my hubby had joined the fam....we gathered on Christmas Eve and my mom brought out the crazy "gift" so we could continue the tradition.

Much to our surprise...she opened the bag to show us our "matching gifts"...Animal noses!  I can hardly even write about it without laughing out loud.  I am talking pig noses, elephant noses and more...the kind that has an elastic band so you can stretch it around your head and look like an idiot.  Well..I wasn't about to let this wonderful tradition pass us by and figured I had better get my husband in on the action. "Put that pig nose on honey!  It's time for a photo opp!" It was his turn to say that magic word, "Really?"

I have paid for that mistake for the last 19 years....as every Christmas, I am reminded..."Do you remember the animal noses?"  He jokes that he thought it was an initiation into the family..."Put on your animal nose and let's get a picture."...."Really?"

(I'm trying to find a copy of the picture so you can share in our humiliation)

Seriously, though....traditions are something that someone told me a long time ago make your family stronger.  I used to get worried when the kids were little that I wasn't planning and manufacturing enough traditions in our family. Then, not too long ago, I realized that we had many traditions that had grown organically in the Wilburn family...not because I had this master plan, but because they just made sense.

If I were to take some of these things away, now, then my family would be asking ME the question...."Really?"...because they have become a tradition.  Things like spending Christmas in the Dallas/Ft.Worth area with family, Sunday morning donuts from Anne's Daylight Donuts in Tulsa (61st and Sheridan) (ooooh so yummy, I might add), Tuesday morning breakfast with dad at Chick Fil-A, getting Hallmark Ornaments from Mitch (dad and hubby) the Saturday before Thanksgiving, beach vacations and more.  These weren't things that we set out to do 20 years ago and make a "tradition"....but if we missed any one of these things now...there would be major push back.

I am wondering what traditions, crazy or not, that your family has shared over the years.  Please take a minute to make a comment and let us all in on what "Tradition" means to you.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Shannon

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Precious Preemies
Thursday, October 07, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

Update to Precious Preemies

12/31/10
Just wanted to send out an update via video on these two precious babies, who, by the grace of God, are doing great.
http://www.vimeo.com/18266090

Precious Preemies

So..some of you know that my family had an opportunity this past summer to visit Niterio, Brazil, a suburb of Rio.  We went there on a mission trip called Let's Start Talking where we taught English using the book of Luke.  The primary language in Brazil is Portugeuse, but there are many many people there that want to learn English.

We worked with an amazing team of Missionaires there...all of them young couples getting ready to start a family.  We previously knew one of the couples because they were our youth interns back in the day...they started dating after the summer that they interned at our church..ended up getting married and going into the mission field.

On our first day in Niteroi this past June, Wes and Carrie announced to our team of 6 that they were pregnant...with not one, but two babies...TWINS!  (That's them on the left in the picture.)  We couldn't have been more excited. They were due in December.  The hospitals in Rio are top notch and Carrie loves her doctor there.

Earlier this week, my husband called me to tell me that he had just gotten off the phone with Wes and the babies were born a few hours earlier...at 27 weeks premature. We were told that they needed lots of prayers.   Their names are Graham and Gibson Gotcher. As I write this they are 4 days old and not quite out of the woods.  I just watched an 8 minute video that their dad put together and wanted to share it with you.

In my 40 years..I have not been up close and personal to a premature birth and the miracle that these tiny babies are.  However, I did figure that some of our readers have been through something like this and might have some encouragement for these new parents.  Wes and Carrie are suprisingly upbeat and we know that positive attitude is a testimony to their faith.

If you take the time to watch the video...be sure to watch it all the way to the end....that is their mom, Carrie, singing...get out the hanky!

http://www.vimeo.com/15612712

Thank you Lord for the miracle of birth

Shannon

 

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I'm Not Complaining!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

Okay, seriously, I’m not complaining! Milk it Babeeeeey!

This summer has been the summer of celebrations at my house! This year, July 2, to be exact…I turned 40 along with my twin sister, Tara. Our hubbies invited us to Seaside, FL in May along with our mom for a relaxing week on the beach. Okay…truth be told….we (me and my sis) actually planned the vacation ourselves and invited our hubbies and mom…like good bossy Texas girls do! We had a grand time of doing nothing except lounging at the pool, eating out, late night movies, strawberry shortcake and riding bicycles around the area in the 80 degree perfect weather (without kids). It was a wonderful “early” birthday present. Since that happened in May…I still had a good 5 weeks until my “real” birthday and I milked that for all it was worth too! (Isn’t that what we are supposed to do?)

Twenty years ago today…I married my best friend. Yes, today is my 20th wedding anniversary. My husband introduced himself to me in 1988 (yes, I know that most of you weren’t even born then) by using an acronym for his name. He, and a friend, strolled up to me at the student center at Abilene Christian University and he said “Hey, my name is Mitch….the M is for Macho, the I is for Intelligent, the T is for Tough, the C is for Courageous and the H is for Hot-legged-love-God”.

He likes to tell the story that I immediately wrapped my arms around him and said “Marry Me!” However, it wasn’t until almost 2 years later I married my best friend. Ft. Worth, Texas, August 11th, 1990…the big day. I wore this huge headpiece that I swear to my kids now, was in style at the time! I won’t grace you with that picture as I am trying to figure out what I was thinking!

20 years later tonight, my hubby is in California at a conference, I am home with 4 teenagers in the house (only two are mine). I’m on a muscle-relaxer, steroids and pain meds for a bulging disk in my neck (someone should have told me that doing the intermediate rafting in Colorado last week was not a good idea) and I’m reminiscing (by myself) about my wedding day and the last 20 years….which, by the way, went really fast!

Any other woman might feel sorry for herself that their hubby was gone on such a special day. However…Mitch made sure that I would have a wonderful day…even in his absence. We went out to eat last week for our anniversary and I thought that was just fabulous! Then, last night…I walked into our bathroom to find a card and a beautiful necklace…yes, my man went shopping for me! Today…after a couple of meetings….I came home to find a huge bouquet of flowers in the kitchen with another card. He had hid these in my daughters closet and told her where and when to get them out. What a great surprise.

Now for a shout-out and a nudge for those of us who are forming our boys into men. Thank you, Larry and Nancy Wilburn (or to us….Boomie and Nannie) for teaching your son how to be a wonderful, supportive, thoughtful Godly man! Please tell us how you did it! I can only hope and pray that our kids can learn from his example (not mine) of how to be a wonderful spouse.

Now you know why I’m not complaining. I’m older, I’m wiser and I am blessed! I think I’ll keep him for at least the next 20!

Hugs, Shannon Wilburn

PS. Don’t tell him I wrote this because I still plan on milking the absent anniversary for at least 3 more weeks!
 

Photo right: Check out my necklace and my flowers...Happy Anniversary to me!

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Mothers Who Cuss
Thursday, July 08, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

You guessed it....I've never been much of a cusser.  Maybe because I didn't grow up around it.  Hearing it most days makes me shake my head and wonder why educated, adults have to resort to cursing to get their point across.  Sure...it's a social norm among most Americans to throw in the occasional curse word here or there in everyday conversation..but what I don't get is why?

This was the way I felt until about a month ago.  What happened last month to make me better understand this need to throw out an explitive every once and a while?  The answer:   The dreaded and anticipated driver's permit.

Keep in mind that the first time I heard MY mother curse was when my twin sister (sorry Tara) was at the wheel at 15 years of age driving down a neighborhood street and came within millimeters of ramming the passenger's side (where my mother was sitting) into a delivery truck.  It was a word that I had never heard come out of my mothers mouth.  When she yelled that word...that memory was engrained in my mind forever. (Okay..that may be overstating..not sure she yelled or that it was engrained..but it makes the story better especially now that my mom is a minister).

My son got his permit a little over a month ago and wanted to drive immediately. We left the tag agency with permit in hand and headed for the car.  I remained cool, calm and collected until he started the car.  My heart rate sped up...I started sweating...I was no longer in control...I was leaving my life in the hands of a 15 year old!

For those of you who have already been down this road...I may need some pointers.  Every time I get in the car with him and act like everything is okay..I am silently praying the whole time that I will survive and make it to the destination intact.  Are you with me?  Okay..confession time....I'm a control freak.  Yes..I said it.  That's me alright..the one who always wants to be in control.  Well...guess what, having a 15 year old driver gives you lots of opportunities to feel WAY out of control.

So...although I haven't yelled any explitives lately.  I reserve the right to loose control (at least once in the next 5 months)....AND blame it on my son!

By the way, I have a great respect now for those of you who have already gone through this right of passage....any hints about making it out alive would be most appreciated!  One more note...Jake really is a pretty good driver!  :)

Hugs,
Shannon

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I Hate Teenagers!
Saturday, June 05, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

I Hate Teenagers!

While I do not profess to be the world's greatest mom...in fact, I am far from it, I'd like to think that I know a little something about teenagers. 

Okay...I confess, the title of this blog was just a ploy to get you to open and read! It worked, as now I have your full attention.

Let me remind you that my husband was a youth minister for 14 years.  When I met him, our first outing together was to the youth group at his church so he could teach youth class.  I worked right there along side him for all of those years...through the lock-ins, mission trips, camps, devotionals, girls Bible studies, teenagers hanging out at the house until all hours of the night....toilet papering, sleepovers, counseling sessions and more.  I have been around thousands of teenagers over the last 20 years...and was one myself up until that point.  (Yes..I am 39 years old for 26 more days)  However, nothing could prepare me for having my own teenagers.  Parenting and youth ministry are two completely different things as I have figured out over the last three and a half years.

My son, Jake, is 15 and a half (the half is important) and just got his permit and my daughter is 14....they are 15 months apart (not on purpose and that will be a future topic of my blog.."How not to have children 15 months apart!").  Having teenagers of my own has opened my eyes!

I enjoy time with my children most of the time.  Not counting the times when there is rolling eyes, heavy sighs, slammed doors, comments like "Don't embarrass Me!", and disrespectful tones and bouts of selfishness to the extreme...and those are just MY reactions!  Seriously, teenagers are horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

As I think about my influence on my children...I often wonder if they "like" me as a mom.  Do I do everything right...do I give them enough space...do I help them when they need it...do I give them opportunities...do I teach them everything that there is to know about everything...am I teaching them to love the Lord...do I discipline them appropriately...do I choose my battles, etc?  There are so many unknowns that I constantly struggle with these questions and more.

This past Mother's Day, my daughter gave me a card, that I will keep forever.  It encouraged me (and still does) so much that I hung it up in my bathroom so that I would see it every day.  I wanted to share it with you so that you, too, can be encouraged.

It says "Hi mom, you are the best prettiest mom in the world and I love you so much! Thanks for everything you do for me! I'm happy that you're my mom!  I love you! Strong. Flawless. Smart. Inspire. Mom. Beautiful.  Looking Gorgeous. Fit. Leadership. Fashion Forward. Pretty"

Who? Me? Believe me I don't fit this bill...I am the queen of mess-ups! And I am far from flawless...have known to make bad choices...am 15 pounds heavier than I want to be...the list could go on and on. 

It's a huge relief to know that our kids look past these things.  Don't we love it how our children forget when we mess up and they forgive us and love us in spite of ourselves? 

Wait a minute....that kind of sounds like "unconditional love"!  It's kind of like they may have heard about that somewhere...oh yea...I taught them that!  I wonder if that means that I still have to apologize for shouting "Shut Up! earlier today?  :)

I forgot to mention.....I LOVE teenagers!

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Passing the Blame
Tuesday, April 27, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

Passing the Blame

If there is one thing that bugs me more than anything…it is people who can’t take responsibility for their actions. This is one concept that I have tried to instill in my children. Several years ago, I was backing out of my driveway with my son and daughter having World War III in the backseat. I was so distracted by their arguing that I backed right into my husband’s truck (that was not supposed to be parked there)!

If I wasn’t mad to begin with, I was really mad now. "Why in the world was that truck parked there?! Why can my kids not get along?!," I screamed from the front seat! UGH…Great start to my day! As I reflected upon that moment, I realized that it was time to put my money where my mouth was and follow my own words that had passed my lips so many times. “Don’t blame other people for your own mistakes!”

Okay…seriously…If my husband didn’t park his truck RIGHT there..then I wouldn’t have hit it! Doesn’t he know that this is MY part of the driveway? If that excuse wasn’t enough, if my kids would just act like civilized human beings and not find a reason to argue the moment they are within two feet of each other—then I would not have hit that truck! These excuses came to my mind all too easily. I also knew that if I told this story to my friends, that they would definitely agree that it was not my fault.

Pounding in my mind, as I tried to push it to the back, came the very question that I had asked my kids on numerous occasions. “What was YOUR part in this problem/dilemma/situation?” I immediately argued with myself internally not wanting to take the blame for this wreck. Taking a serious look, I realized that I was the only one driving. I was the only one who had control of the vehicle. I was the one who didn’t look before backing out of the garage. It was my MY fault!

Admitting it to myself was one thing, but actually speaking the words and apologizing—I didn’t think I could do it! As I swallowed my pride and embarrassment, I apologized first to my children for yelling at them. Then, it was time for a face-to-face with my husband. Have I mentioned that I hate to be wrong? Thankfully, my husband has the God-given characteristic of giving grace. He accepted my apology and didn’t have any “I told you so’s” in his response.

This was a definite turning point in my life. I had taught my kids when they came to me with a problem, to first look at their part in the problem, take ownership of what they could control and speak that into the apology. So, my apology looked something like this. “I’m so sorry that I was not paying attention (Source of the wreck) when I was backing out of the garage. I’m sorry that I hit your truck.” A simple “I’m sorry” would not be taking the full blame. Don’t we all do that? When we know we are at fault but don’t want to take full responsibility…we give a cursory, un-caring “I’m sorry” then, under our breath…”but if you would have done this or that, then I wouldn’t have had to blah blah blah”?

I’ve come to realize that it is our first inclination (aka: Human Nature) to blame others for our bad life experiences. However, most of the time, we have made a bad decision or chosen a wrong road somewhere along the way. That choice is what has actually gotten us into our current problem. Naming the source, apologizing to those we hurt along the way, and learning something from the experience can be the best parent trick in the book. It’s a daily struggle to want to pass the blame. But taking responsibility for my actions is a skill that, one day, with lots of prayer, I hope to master! Lead by example—and hopefully, your children will follow.

Hugs, Shannon

 

 

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