Mothers Who Cuss
Thursday, July 08, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

You guessed it....I've never been much of a cusser.  Maybe because I didn't grow up around it.  Hearing it most days makes me shake my head and wonder why educated, adults have to resort to cursing to get their point across.  Sure...it's a social norm among most Americans to throw in the occasional curse word here or there in everyday conversation..but what I don't get is why?

This was the way I felt until about a month ago.  What happened last month to make me better understand this need to throw out an explitive every once and a while?  The answer:   The dreaded and anticipated driver's permit.

Keep in mind that the first time I heard MY mother curse was when my twin sister (sorry Tara) was at the wheel at 15 years of age driving down a neighborhood street and came within millimeters of ramming the passenger's side (where my mother was sitting) into a delivery truck.  It was a word that I had never heard come out of my mothers mouth.  When she yelled that word...that memory was engrained in my mind forever. (Okay..that may be overstating..not sure she yelled or that it was engrained..but it makes the story better especially now that my mom is a minister).

My son got his permit a little over a month ago and wanted to drive immediately. We left the tag agency with permit in hand and headed for the car.  I remained cool, calm and collected until he started the car.  My heart rate sped up...I started sweating...I was no longer in control...I was leaving my life in the hands of a 15 year old!

For those of you who have already been down this road...I may need some pointers.  Every time I get in the car with him and act like everything is okay..I am silently praying the whole time that I will survive and make it to the destination intact.  Are you with me?  Okay..confession time....I'm a control freak.  Yes..I said it.  That's me alright..the one who always wants to be in control.  Well...guess what, having a 15 year old driver gives you lots of opportunities to feel WAY out of control.

So...although I haven't yelled any explitives lately.  I reserve the right to loose control (at least once in the next 5 months)....AND blame it on my son!

By the way, I have a great respect now for those of you who have already gone through this right of passage....any hints about making it out alive would be most appreciated!  One more note...Jake really is a pretty good driver!  :)

Hugs,
Shannon

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I Hate Teenagers!
Saturday, June 05, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

I Hate Teenagers!

While I do not profess to be the world's greatest mom...in fact, I am far from it, I'd like to think that I know a little something about teenagers. 

Okay...I confess, the title of this blog was just a ploy to get you to open and read! It worked, as now I have your full attention.

Let me remind you that my husband was a youth minister for 14 years.  When I met him, our first outing together was to the youth group at his church so he could teach youth class.  I worked right there along side him for all of those years...through the lock-ins, mission trips, camps, devotionals, girls Bible studies, teenagers hanging out at the house until all hours of the night....toilet papering, sleepovers, counseling sessions and more.  I have been around thousands of teenagers over the last 20 years...and was one myself up until that point.  (Yes..I am 39 years old for 26 more days)  However, nothing could prepare me for having my own teenagers.  Parenting and youth ministry are two completely different things as I have figured out over the last three and a half years.

My son, Jake, is 15 and a half (the half is important) and just got his permit and my daughter is 14....they are 15 months apart (not on purpose and that will be a future topic of my blog.."How not to have children 15 months apart!").  Having teenagers of my own has opened my eyes!

I enjoy time with my children most of the time.  Not counting the times when there is rolling eyes, heavy sighs, slammed doors, comments like "Don't embarrass Me!", and disrespectful tones and bouts of selfishness to the extreme...and those are just MY reactions!  Seriously, teenagers are horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

As I think about my influence on my children...I often wonder if they "like" me as a mom.  Do I do everything right...do I give them enough space...do I help them when they need it...do I give them opportunities...do I teach them everything that there is to know about everything...am I teaching them to love the Lord...do I discipline them appropriately...do I choose my battles, etc?  There are so many unknowns that I constantly struggle with these questions and more.

This past Mother's Day, my daughter gave me a card, that I will keep forever.  It encouraged me (and still does) so much that I hung it up in my bathroom so that I would see it every day.  I wanted to share it with you so that you, too, can be encouraged.

It says "Hi mom, you are the best prettiest mom in the world and I love you so much! Thanks for everything you do for me! I'm happy that you're my mom!  I love you! Strong. Flawless. Smart. Inspire. Mom. Beautiful.  Looking Gorgeous. Fit. Leadership. Fashion Forward. Pretty"

Who? Me? Believe me I don't fit this bill...I am the queen of mess-ups! And I am far from flawless...have known to make bad choices...am 15 pounds heavier than I want to be...the list could go on and on. 

It's a huge relief to know that our kids look past these things.  Don't we love it how our children forget when we mess up and they forgive us and love us in spite of ourselves? 

Wait a minute....that kind of sounds like "unconditional love"!  It's kind of like they may have heard about that somewhere...oh yea...I taught them that!  I wonder if that means that I still have to apologize for shouting "Shut Up! earlier today?  :)

I forgot to mention.....I LOVE teenagers!

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Passing the Blame
Tuesday, April 27, 2010 By: Shannon Wilburn

Passing the Blame

If there is one thing that bugs me more than anything…it is people who can’t take responsibility for their actions. This is one concept that I have tried to instill in my children. Several years ago, I was backing out of my driveway with my son and daughter having World War III in the backseat. I was so distracted by their arguing that I backed right into my husband’s truck (that was not supposed to be parked there)!

If I wasn’t mad to begin with, I was really mad now. "Why in the world was that truck parked there?! Why can my kids not get along?!," I screamed from the front seat! UGH…Great start to my day! As I reflected upon that moment, I realized that it was time to put my money where my mouth was and follow my own words that had passed my lips so many times. “Don’t blame other people for your own mistakes!”

Okay…seriously…If my husband didn’t park his truck RIGHT there..then I wouldn’t have hit it! Doesn’t he know that this is MY part of the driveway? If that excuse wasn’t enough, if my kids would just act like civilized human beings and not find a reason to argue the moment they are within two feet of each other—then I would not have hit that truck! These excuses came to my mind all too easily. I also knew that if I told this story to my friends, that they would definitely agree that it was not my fault.

Pounding in my mind, as I tried to push it to the back, came the very question that I had asked my kids on numerous occasions. “What was YOUR part in this problem/dilemma/situation?” I immediately argued with myself internally not wanting to take the blame for this wreck. Taking a serious look, I realized that I was the only one driving. I was the only one who had control of the vehicle. I was the one who didn’t look before backing out of the garage. It was my MY fault!

Admitting it to myself was one thing, but actually speaking the words and apologizing—I didn’t think I could do it! As I swallowed my pride and embarrassment, I apologized first to my children for yelling at them. Then, it was time for a face-to-face with my husband. Have I mentioned that I hate to be wrong? Thankfully, my husband has the God-given characteristic of giving grace. He accepted my apology and didn’t have any “I told you so’s” in his response.

This was a definite turning point in my life. I had taught my kids when they came to me with a problem, to first look at their part in the problem, take ownership of what they could control and speak that into the apology. So, my apology looked something like this. “I’m so sorry that I was not paying attention (Source of the wreck) when I was backing out of the garage. I’m sorry that I hit your truck.” A simple “I’m sorry” would not be taking the full blame. Don’t we all do that? When we know we are at fault but don’t want to take full responsibility…we give a cursory, un-caring “I’m sorry” then, under our breath…”but if you would have done this or that, then I wouldn’t have had to blah blah blah”?

I’ve come to realize that it is our first inclination (aka: Human Nature) to blame others for our bad life experiences. However, most of the time, we have made a bad decision or chosen a wrong road somewhere along the way. That choice is what has actually gotten us into our current problem. Naming the source, apologizing to those we hurt along the way, and learning something from the experience can be the best parent trick in the book. It’s a daily struggle to want to pass the blame. But taking responsibility for my actions is a skill that, one day, with lots of prayer, I hope to master! Lead by example—and hopefully, your children will follow.

Hugs, Shannon

 

 

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Musings from a Mom of a 14 Year Old Boy
Saturday, October 10, 2009 By: Shannon Wilburn

Okay, first things first.  I love my son!  I love him for many reasons....one of which is the humor that he provides our family. Most of the time, the humor that he provides is unintentional on his part, which makes it even funnier to me.  Keep in mind, as you read this, that he is an A/B student, is involved in Youth Group, Drug Free Youth and holds a job.

I have several stories to tell, but will just grace you with one today.

Recently, we hired a housecleaner.  She comes twice a month and helps keep our house in order. The day after her third visit to help keep us out of chaos, my son comes down to my bathroom while I am getting ready for the day.

His first comment is, "Mom, I need my inhaler."  I respond, "I saw it on your bedside table yesterday."  He, becoming more agitated, states, "Well, it's not there now!"

Still standing in the bathroom, I hand him a new inhaler and tell him to look under his bed for the old one as he has a tendency to lose things and then find them later...and, in the process, blame someone else for losing them.

Our conversation continued.  "Mom, you need to fire our housecleaner!"  When I asked why he told me that not only was his inhaler missing, but his Axe body spray and deodorant were missing too.  When I suggested that it was probably lost...he told me, "Fine, keep her...but she will do it again!" 

I quickly went up to his bathroom, pulled out the second drawer and spotted all of his personal products that had been placed neatly in the drawer instead of on the counter top.  I showed it to him and he apologized. 

Later that morning, I took my daugther (13) to school and we were laughing that he thought that our housecleaner would want his half-used deodorant....Her logical comment was..."Yea...she skipped over the PSP and the ipod and went for the deodorant!". 

I couldn't stop laughing. 

That evening at dinner, we were laughing again about the thought that our housecleaner would steal someone's deodarant. My son, in the straightest face ever, said.."Mom, they start off small!". 

Thank the Lord that he adds to our joy everyday.  :)

Well, I'm told that this is a stage!  Since I know that most of our readers have smaller children...I am hoping that you can corroborate that kids go through stages and share some of your own funny stories here.  Leave a comment so we can all share the moment.

Off to start the day with a full can of Axe body spray, some deaodarant and an inhaler, all in the correct place and easily found!

Shannon


 

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